Blood is thicker than water...
Yes, yes, yes...  It has been a while since I've posted an entry and I know that my BFF has been wondering what has happened to her 'adik'.  So Yatt, here's a summation of my less than mundane life...

Since the last entry on my school-based stalker, I have been super busy and additionally stressed out at work.  School drains my energy so it is a miracle that I am still able to display a chirpy and cheerful facade in school when what I desire most is to burn the school down so that I need not go to work.  Now that the GCE 'O' Level Oral Exams and the Preliminary Exams are around the corner, I have had little sleep and rest as it has been a mad rush preparing the graduating students for these exams and the actual GCE 'O' Level Exams in October.  All these sacrifices would have been worth it if the students are also hard at work preparing for their exams.  However, at the moment, it appears as though I am the one who is working hard preparing for an examination which I myself have sat for many moons ago.  There have been many a time when I am filled with disillusionment at the attitude of my students who do not even seem the slightest bit concerned about the impending exams.   I have frequently stopped to ponder why I waste my precious time worrying and feeling fearful when my charges do not even give a damn about their future.  But my greatest flaw is that I am unable to disengage myself from work.  And so I continue to plan engaging lessons, to motivate the students and to worry about their future at the expense of my own health.  So it came as no surprise that I caught the flu bug since I hardly made time to re-charge my weakened batteries.  It took me nearly two weeks to recover from the flu and the bouts of fever.  Although I am decidedly better, I am still nursing a bad cough and an irritated larynx.  The coughing fit is so bad that I sound hoarse and can even pass for one of those trannies who peddle the streets of Changi Village on a Friday night.  

To add to my personal woes, dad's been hospitalised since 23rd July 2007, with an unknown ailment.  He has not been well since March and has lost nearly 12kg in a span of four months.  None of us, and that includes his team of doctors, know what is wrong with him as the battery of tests - scans, scopes, blood tests, and even an MRI - have given him the all clear sign.  The whole family is exhausted as we have had to shuttle up and down to CGH after a long day at work, every day, to visit him, but we soldier on with as little grumble as possible because secretly we are all fearful of losing him.  

I am embarrassed to say this but I must confess that I have not been a perfect daughter and as the eldest child in the family, I have not been a role model to my younger siblings.  Yes, I am doing well at work and am therefore capable of contributing to the family income for I am eternally grateful to my parents and my siblings for the sacrifices they made several years ago when they paid for my studies at the University of Melbourne.  Hence, where money in concerned, I am not a Scrooge and am willing to spend it on my parents, siblings and my adorable 7-month-old niece.  However, I realised that I am in reality spending money on them when I should instead be spending quality time with my family, particularly so with my parents.  While I am aware that I am getting older, I have somehow amazingly ignored the fact that my parents are also getting on in years.  I am so involved with my job and I spend 12 hours in school from Mondays to Fridays that by the time I reach home, all I long to do is sleep.  And that is what I do.  I get home, have my dinner, shower, pray and am asleep before 11pm, on most nights, waking up at 3am or thereabouts to do my work.  I do not make time to communicate with my family even during the weekends as I will be holed up in my bedroom marking, setting test papers, planning lessons or catching up on my sleep.  My parents do not complain because they are aware that I am exhausted but I cannot continue doing this, can I?  I do not want to wake up one day, only to find that one of them has passed on and then regretting this lack of communication for the rest of my life.  I love my parents dearly so I must make a concerted effort to talk to them more often than what I am currently doing.  I realised that I seldom even take the opportunity to indulge in small talk with my dad when he sends me to school every morning as I would either be too busy jotting down a list of things I must do at work or scanning resource materials as I mentally prepare my lessons for the day.  While it is obvious to my family that I am busy with work, I am certain that they too have issues and worries and fears that they want to share with me but they avoid doing so to add to my own set of worries.  Dad, would in particular, love to have someone to talk to seeing that he is now retired and is home alone with the maid during the day while the rest of us are at work.  Yet, all I do when I am at home or when I am in the car is to be engrossed with school-related matters.  Gosh!!!  What a self-centred daughter!!!  Although, my dad's ailment has come as a rude shock but it is also a blessing as it has woken me up from my obsession with work.  I do not know what the latest diagnosis will be, whether dad will recover fully from this mystery ailment or whether his hospital stay will be a regular feature in our lives but all I know is that I am not ready to see him pass on as there are tons of things that I have yet to share with him or with mum, for that matter and I intend to do just that, now.

Another reason why I must spend more time with my parents is that I hope to emulate the bond that my favourite cousins have with their parents.  In spite of my busy schedule, illness, and worrying about my dad's health, I have also during the past week, been helping my cousins prepare a surprise 30th wedding anniversary celebration for Singapore's legendary soccer great, the 'Gelek' King and his wife.  My cousins do not have a perfect relationship with their parents and it is an open secret that my female cousin in particular is always at logger heads with her mother.  However, in spite of the quarrels, theirs is a fulfilling relationship as they share all their ups and downs as a family.  Secrets are nearly non-existent and they are truly a close-knit family.  While my siblings and I do not get into melodramatic rows with our parents and we appear to be a calm and level-headed family, however, we do not communicate at a deeper level and do not always share all our worries and fears with one another, preferring instead to deal with our own set of problems on an individual basis to avoid troubling the rest of the family.  This has to change and as the eldest child in the family, I must be the one to set the tone...